It's afternoon and the weather is amazingly, blissfully perfect. Cowboy and I are on the back porch, mesmerized by the way the sun illuminates the spring green leaves, watching tiny white flowers fall from the pear tree, delighted by the big burly bees and wasps and little things buzzing around in the sky...
I can't believe it's the same tree that was covered in vivid orange-gold leaves during my last post. Things happen so fast....
I have something to tell you, and i hope you don't mind.
I have bloggy friends-SISTERS, really - who tell me "behind the scenes" that it is ok to share the not good stuff too. And, i think, they are right.
So the not good stuff is the dreaded C word. My beloved Cowboy has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer, which is fairly uncommon in the US, and usually not found until it has reached a later stage. In a staging range of I-IV, his is IVb. This means, sadly, it is inoperable. It has also metastisized, to his liver and lungs and lymph nodes far and wide.
For a very long two months it was tests and appointments and scans and bloodwork and procedures and outpatient and tons of paperwork and phone calls and emails and waiting waiting waiting..but all that is over and now we've settled into the business of living again.
Cowboy has been beyond incredible. From the very beginning, his concern has been for his family....things great and small. Imparting his wisdom, his advice. Strong for me as i fall apart.
He's not questioning God or asking why. He says the rest of the story is in the living. How we celebrate each minute here on out. When he hugs, he squeezes tight. We were eating at a different restaurant every night until he started chemo. We slow danced to Dwight Yoakum under the big glowing moon.
Isn't it amazing how miniscule those usually nagging dust particles that make up the fabric of life become when you're too busy really living life to give them any thought?
So here we are, amazed beyond belief, now more than ever, at the power of nature and the beauty of spring. Every leaf and blade of grass, every tiny wisteria petal, we welcome and celebrate.
Thank you to everyone who has worried or wondered or emailed, who send love and prayers and good juju from all over the big blue marble. We appreciate each and every one of you. And to the one who reminded me, what the first line of my own bio says, I applaud you and your strength, too.
XOXO and lots of love from Roo & Cowboy