I have done things in life that could have made me afraid, but did not, like the time I held and stroked a cobra. Or when I flipped my Honda, three times (my beloved Accord did not make it, but I was literally unscathed, albeit hanging upside down via my seatbelt, in a ditch). I drank Evian trickled from Steven Tyler’s lips (oh, the things I could have caught!) and hobnobbed with DC politicos. Many times I have moshed in a concrete pit in 100 degree heat with inebriated metal heads. And once, I crossed a busy truck stop to climb aboard a tour bus at 2:00 A.M, in the snow, in Illinois, for the privilege of touching Lucille, and shaking Mr. B.B. King’s hand.
There are also things in life that have, but should not, made me afraid, like a police officer behind me in traffic, even if I am driving two miles below the speed limit and always wear my seatbelt, and haven't had anything alcoholic since July 4th. Or, the phone ringing late at night. Or, the tall, tall, pine outside the bedroom window, outlined in the dark by a midnight lightning storm. Or grocery carts during flu season. Or, clowns...
The point is, typically, when it seems most logical that I would be afraid, I am not. And when I shouldn’t, I might be. And what I learned while I wasn’t here is that there is no rhyme or reason or way to predict much of anything that happens in my life, so there is no reason to fear anything.
Fearlessness is defined by Merriam-Webster as “free from fear; brave.” I think what it also means, is living life authentically. I suppose it does require a bit of bravery. Being who I am, minus fear, means letting go of a lot of things I felt defined me, and often confined me: worries about failure, rejection, being judged.
This I believe, unequivocally: Universe never takes when it doesn’t give. And even if I am sure a thing is one way, am thinking it is practically a certainty, it is almost guaranteed to turn out a completely different way; and though I may be more than a little confused, in the end, there is always, always, a certain sense of balance.
I am learning to leap, and not worry about the fall. It is how you land, and the way you enjoyed the flight that matters, n'est ce-pas? Oh, and, speaking of falls….
Sometimes people use words like “melancholy” and “bittersweet” to describe autumn. They wax nostalgic about the end of beach days and watermelon and barbeques. Apparently, that’s what happens for at least half the country-folks start chattering about chilly nights and hayrides.
I am quite in love with the world all over again, come Autumn. I feel re-born during this season of change, even if I am still wearing flip flops and a tank top. Here in the South, fall doesn’t really get underway until somewhere near Thanksgiving, if we are lucky, and a cold front comes through, and decides to stick around. We may get equal parts changing leaves and equal parts withering leaves, right now, but the important thing is we still have football and pumpkin spice lattes.
So I'm back. Guess you’re stuck with me and my mindless meanderings again. I love you all, glorious Twinklestars!
"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." ~Audre Lorde